forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
