peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
