No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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