we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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