i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
