please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
