Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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