So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
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A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
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Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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