I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
