my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
