Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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