Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
