So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize