I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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