i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
