I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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