Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.

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  (734): Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics. http://tfl.nu/seve
  Replies (1) Good night (889) Bad night (1272)
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  (415): View more from California

  $4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.

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  (415): $4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date. http://tfl.nu/jzc8
  Replies (9) Good night (591) Bad night (1078)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.

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  (860): Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day. http://tfl.nu/g1ig
  Replies (15) Good night (4621) Bad night (1052)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.

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  (832): I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone. http://tfl.nu/f9qv
  Replies (24) Good night (5543) Bad night (1185)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm so glad i pay social security

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  (610): Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year? (1-610): I'm so glad i pay social security http://tfl.nu/rnv1
  Replies (17) Good night (4358) Bad night (953)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.

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  (757): It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower. http://tfl.nu/w3u9
  Replies (11) Good night (3007) Bad night (917)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.

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  (314): She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good. http://tfl.nu/atnn
  Replies (2) Good night (2595) Bad night (851)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.

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  (410): I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it. http://tfl.nu/7121
  Replies (9) Good night (577) Bad night (880)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo

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  (860): I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo http://tfl.nu/rks3
  Replies (17) Good night (695) Bad night (1052)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.

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  (417): Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night. http://tfl.nu/jn93
  Replies (1) Good night (386) Bad night (1034)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.

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  (940): No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird. http://tfl.nu/3ffu
  Replies (3) Good night (394) Bad night (711)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make

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  (814): Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make http://tfl.nu/r41j
  Replies (7) Good night (905) Bad night (332)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus

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  (412): Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus http://tfl.nu/j3t9
  Replies (3) Good night (587) Bad night (280)
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.

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  (863): I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't. http://tfl.nu/8mvt
  Replies (2) Good night (810) Bad night (260)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.

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  (303): He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter. http://tfl.nu/2d6a
  Replies (6) Good night (1356) Bad night (294)

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