On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.