you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.