I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.