i think my tv is drunk
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
