I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
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I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.