I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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