Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
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is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
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He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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