They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
