Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just want to make out with him forever
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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