Dude my mom stole all your condoms
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
