you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
