one two three fourrrrnication!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
