babies were throwing up all over the place
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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