i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
