get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
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No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
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110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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