i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
