theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
