yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
