Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
