I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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