I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
