can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
