More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
