youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
