i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize