Pregnant stripper...not hot.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
