i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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