mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
