Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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