I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
