I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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