I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
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