Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize