I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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