just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
