i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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