I smell stomach acid.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
