I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
