Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
