never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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