I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
