We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
