I feel great
I just peed on a car
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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