She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
