Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
