Sorry, I don't speak sober.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
