grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
