Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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