we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
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I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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