i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
