beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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