i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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