god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
