you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
