i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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